It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. But I haven’t forgotten this blog. As I’m editing this post, I’m holding my beautiful, sweet baby in my arms, thank G-d. I’m recalling the journey it took to get here. I hope this writing gives clarity and hope to all who read it.
I remember one evening before I went to sleep, I felt especially weighed down by the physical, emotional and financial strain and disappointments that we had been through along the journey. I questioned the struggle in my mind and my heart.
That night, in a dream, a woman came to speak to me, but I did not want to hear what she had to say. She came again, and she said to me, “If you want to understand the pshat (simple meaning), you need to understand the sod (secret meaning)”.
So, what is the pshat? And what is the sod behind it? It’s helped to have a regular dose of pnimius hatorah (the inner torah) while on this fertility journey.
Sod sounds a lot like Yesod/foundation. And I think the pshat has everything to do with this yesod- foundation. The reality that fertility intervention is fraught with so much difficulty, repetition and loss, has to do with this sod
We live in a world of physicality, Malchus, which is the lowest of the sefiros. We are the vessel with nothing of our own, everything comes from above. Our primary role is to receive. And it has everything to do with the integrity of the Yesod- foundation.
With all the pressure of progressive intervention and technology, the fertility of the quiet, humble soil of the body, is ignored. The fertility of the environment, – the womb, is omitted. Not as a physical structure, but as a vessel of receiving and gestating life. In the sefiros, the channel of Yesod connects the physical world, Malchus, to the upper sefiros allowing the secret of life to flow into it. It is the foundation that everything is built upon. Without this anchor, everything built on it inevitably collapses.
When you build a house, you always have to start on the ground and build the foundation first. Sometimes you have to demolish something and clean it up before you start. But you would definitely prepare the ground. Espesically if you want the building to be long standing. What if it’s your “binyan adai ad”, everlasting building- your progeny?
In fertility medicine, instead of preparing the foundation, embryos may be used as a diagnostic, to see what works. Actual diagnostics for uterine factors and other underlying issues are recommended for use .only after reccurant losses. But you may not notice, because when these underlying factors and roots are finally addressed, they are not called the foundation. They are called the “kitchen sink”.
To be continued..
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